I get this question a lot.

I am fully affirming of LGBTQ+ people and support equal marriage. That’s no secret. I made a video describing my “conversion” on this (it’s soooo 2020 🙄, but still gets at the essence of my thinking on this), and this video has made the rounds in Mennonite Church circles. (I’ve learned not to be surprised when I’m in another province and someone comes up to me and says, “Thank you for that video…”)

However, in my role as executive minister of a regional church denomination, most of the congregations I serve are not affirming, and many of those may never become affirming.

And so, very understandably, people ask the question: “You’re fully affirming. How can you support non-affirming churches?” In a surprising show of unity, it’s a question I get asked by people on both “sides”—for different reasons, of course. So here’s my attempt to describe how I hold these seemingly contradictory things together.

Here’s a strong personal conviction of mine: affirming queer people and supporting equal marriage is a faithful expression of the gospel of Jesus Christ. In fact, I would say it more strongly: I think this is a more faithful expression of the gospel than a non-affirming view. For reasons why I think this, you can check out that dated video (or the accompanying written materials).

However, here’s another strong personal conviction of mine: congregations need to discern together how they are going to faithfully live out the gospel of Jesus Christ in their context. That’s a congregational prerogative and responsibility—and it’s not up to the denomination to determine.

In our polity, congregations come together voluntarily to create regional churches, covenanting together to support each other and do wider ministry together. Yes, we come together around some common values—especially Anabaptist values such as centering on Jesus, nurturing community, and working toward peace—but how these core values get worked out locally is up to each congregation to discern together.

Congregational autonomy and discernment is not just something stated in our denominational constitution which I must follow, though that is true; it is also a strong conviction of mine. It’s not difficult for me to allow congregations to discern differently than I would about how they should live out the gospel in their context; it’s to be expected, since I don’t live in their context.

Let me share another strong personal conviction of mine, however: while I don’t expect congregations to discern in alignment with my own convictions around queer affirmation and inclusion, I do expect congregations to strive to show Jesus’ love for all who are marginalized and mistreated—and this so often includes LGBTQ+ people. Jesus’ way of love is an open-hearted, open-handed, open-armed self-giving for the good of the other, for the good of all—and this includes our queer siblings in Christ and neighbours in the world.

This means that regardless of what a congregation discerns about whether queer folks can become members or Sunday school teachers or pastors, or whether they will marry two people of the same biological sex, I will always exhort our congregations to treat LGBTQ+ people among them and around them with humility, grace, and compassion. I will call on our congregations to speak of queer people with respect and empathy, and to offer as much welcome and inclusion of LGBTQ+ people as their communally discerned “position” allows. (As an aside, a congregation formally adopting an affirming position is no guarantee that they will actually treat queer people any differently. My comments here truly apply to all our congregations.)

I fully realize that, for many queer Christians and allies, this is not enough. They believe affirmation is a direct expression of the gospel, and not simply a matter for congregational discernment. They believe this is a matter of justice, that we must push through the injustice of this inequality and aim for full affirmation and inclusion. I get that, and I often feel the frustration.

But the reality is that I cannot force congregations to become affirming even if I wanted to (see above), and, even if I could, not every congregation would become affirming. And in every one of these congregations, LGBTQ+ Christians would continue to worship and fellowship and serve, remaining in non-affirming churches for a variety of personal reasons. My desire to see these flesh-and-blood siblings in Christ treated with as much compassion and care as possible outweighs my desire for a general justice—especially when there are affirming church options among us for those who need them.

The upshot of all this is that in my role as executive minister in service of the church, I can and do in good conscience support each of our congregations, regardless of their discernment around LGBTQ+ affirmation and inclusion. Regardless of the church, regardless of the need, I come to the congregation with open hands and an open heart, ready to support them as they seek to follow Jesus in their community.

And regardless of the church, regardless of their discerned position on queer affirmation and inclusion, I will always push for us to grow in our Christlike love—open-hearted, open-handed, open-armed, self-giving love—for all those among us and around us, especially those often mistreated and marginalized, including our queer siblings and neighbours.